How to Respond to People in Crisis

In 1999 I had a crash course in dealing with people in crisis when I was actively involved on scene with the Columbine High School shooting. The tragic shooting in Connecticut brings back way too memories but it also reminds me of the importance of sharing some of the things I learned.

1. When speaking with someone in crisis don't say you understand what they are going through or feeling because you don't. You can't get inside their head and feel what they are feeling. In fact, truth be known, they don't even know what they are feeling. Instead affirm your care and concern for them and express your sympathy at what they are going through. 
2. Don't try to explain why this tragedy has happened to the person in crisis because it is too soon to fully know and since you aren't God you don't truly understand why it happened. In particular don't ever say it was God's will that this or that person die, or live- you are not God and you don't fully understand what is or is not God's will. Plus there are dramatic spiritual implications to assigning death or life to God in crisis situations... The bottom line is sometimes we don't understand why something has happened. It may take years and years if ever to come to a better understanding of God's role in a crisis. 
3. Stay off the news! The worst thing you can do in a tragedy is to do an interview with the media. You will inevitably say something that is misunderstood because you or the person in crisis is in shock, the media will invariably change what you said to fit their agenda, and in years to come when you see yourself on the news it will bring flooding back the sorrow and pain that was felt for you or anyone around you. 
4. Let people talk but don't talk about how they feel, instead talk about facts. Where were you when the tragedy occurred? When did you learn about it? etc... Facts are pretty straight forward and the place to begin. Feelings are elusive and at the beginning of a crisis most people are in some form of shock.