Experience is sometimes the best teacher and over the last few weeks I have had an experience that has made me realize an important nuance of how we greet someone who has a health condition. I am in the midst of an ongoing neurological muscular problem that has made it almost impossible for me to walk. As of today I am 32 days into this problem and based upon my rate of recovery and what I have seen from other people who have suffered with similar problems I would guess I have a multi month recovery process ahead of me.
The odd part about my health condition is that some days I am able to be up and some days I am stuck flat of my back. This has produced a natural confusion among people who see me on my up days who make an assumption that since I am upright I must be all better now. The interaction usually goes something like this... 'You are walking again, GREAT! I'm glad to see you are all better.' The first few times this type of exchange occurred it left me with a weird feeling that was kind of repulsive. It took me a while before I realized why this exchange had been discouraging instead of encouraging- the person was not asking how I was doing, they wanted to read into the situation that I was doing better when in fact I was not.
We like perfection. We like health. We don't like illness and pain. Our culture is dedicated to preventing pain and illness. We want people to be healthy and are not sure how to react when someone is not ok. Consequently we tend to read our wishes onto their life instead of actually seeing how they are doing.
So... When you talk to someone who is or has been ill, don't make an assumption about how they are doing or try to make sense of why they have been ill because when you do this you are focused upon yourself, not the other person. Instead ask a question and let them respond. If you don't have time for this type of interaction the best thing you can say is "I'm so glad to see you."
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